Hell is Other People

Have you ever noticed how many people start a fitness program, but quit soon afterwards? And if so, have you ever given much thought to why this happens? I have. In fact, I’ve spent a huge amount of time thinking about it. Understanding why this happens – and how to avoid it – is a huge part of The Apollo Program.

Most people would probably say that it’s the diet and the exercise that are the hardest things to deal with. But I think this is wrong. In my opinion, the two biggest enemies are: a) other people, and b) the inconvenience or aggravation factor.

We’ll talk about the second issue in a separate article as it really is deserving of its own discussion, so for now let’s look at the first reason – goddamn other people. The world is full of people just aching to ruin your success for you.

I can still remember the moment I decided to turn my life around. I’ve written about it in one of my other articles (Knowing When to Say "I Suck") and so I won’t repeat it here. That moment – when I decided to get back the body I had at 18 – was the first time in years that I felt I was doing something right. Unfortunately, straight afterwards I went and did something wrong: I told people about my plan.

I’d advise you not to make the same mistake. When I informed my friends that I wanted to have the body I had when I was 18 they astutely pointed out, “But you’re not 18!” (Gee, thanks; I never knew that!)

Other people’s reactions were just as predictable. Most didn’t really know what to say, but a couple of them forced a nervous little half-smile and said something polite like, “That’s certainly, er, ambitious.” A few were more honest though: they just told me they thought I was an idiot. I also heard a couple of people muttering something about a “mid-life crisis.” I guarantee you’ll hear all this crap too if you tell people what you’re planning, so don’t bother.

If you’re starting a program like The Apollo Program then that means you’ve decided to make an extraordinary change in your life. Perhaps you’re sick of not just your body, but also the stale routine of things and the “normality” of life. Good for you for doing something about it! Most people never do anything about these feelings, choosing to live what the poet Thoreau once called “lives of quiet despair.”

You’ll find, unfortunately, that the general public won’t share your enthusiasm for making these kinds of changes. (Come to think of it, that’s probably why they’re the general public…) Here’s the problem: these people who’ve chosen to live their lives this way don’t want someone like you rocking the boat. They’ve chosen to take the well-worn road, to settle down with “The Job” and “The Mortgage” and their 2.5 children. By the time they hit 30, they’ve traded their dreams for their beer, their TV shows, and their “50% Off!” furniture sales. And after all, they don’t see the need to make extraordinary changes when they can share in the pride and excitement of “their” team winning the match on TV – in high definition with surround sound, naturally.

So I have to warn you, over the course of your program, you’re going to be faced with people who will tell you that the whole endeavour is stupid or selfish or somehow “wrong.” Oh, they’re quite happy to see strangers on television or in movies being successful; when that happens they call it “inspiring.” But when someone in their midst – like you – tries to do it, it suddenly becomes a different matter. It stops being inspiring and becomes threatening. They respond to that threat with mocking comments, discouragement and guilt trips.

People like this will give you all the reasons in the book about why “you can’t do it.” Of course, what you’re really hearing are their own feeble attempts to justify to themselves (not to you) why they don’t make a change. You’ll also invariably hear them preaching about how you should “learn to be realistic.” They just love talking about being realistic. It doesn’t matter to them if things suck or not – at least they can feel proud and noble for being realistic!

They’ve even come up with a whole bunch of names for people like you: obsessed, fanatical, selfish, unrealistic, dreamer, intense, and my personal favourite, “type-A personality!” Well, I’ve come up with a name for them in return – I call them crab-people.

You may have heard the old story about the crabs in the bucket. Crab fishermen know that if they put one crab into a bucket, it will be able to climb out and escape. But if they put several crabs in the bucket, none of them will escape, even if there’s no lid. Why? Because when one crab tries to climb out, the others will all grab hold and pull it back down.

Crab-people will quickly destroy your success unless you’re aware of what to expect and have a plan for dealing with it. The sad thing is that quite often these crab-people will be friends and loved ones. Occasionally they may do it out of spite or jealousy. Or they might be deluded that they’re trying to save you from yourself and your craziness. But more often they’re probably just afraid of being left behind if you change your life. A common situation is where a woman doesn’t want her husband or boyfriend to become too attractive just in case another woman tries to steal him away.

And I’m afraid it doesn’t stop with comments. You’re going to run into active attempts to sabotage your program. This will come in the form of people – again, often apparently well-intentioned – who’ll try to make you eat junk or miss your training. They’re very good at making you feel guilty for not having that dessert or cake. They’ll claim that they “made it just for you” and will act as though you’d personally just stabbed (and possibly raped) their children because you turned it down. They’ll tell you that “just one won’t hurt” or that you can “start your diet tomorrow.” They’ve got an answer for everything.

A huge number of these people actually have no clue that they’re eating junk. They’re very good at ignoring what they see in the mirror, and they honestly and truly believe that they’re eating healthily. They’ll try to convince you that the piece of apple pie they’re trying to force on you is healthy because it’s made with fruit! Or that their fish and chips are good because everyone knows that fish is healthy.

They’ll even try to persuade you that you’re the one who’s not healthy! They’ll claim that you’re getting “too thin,” that your new lifestyle is “extreme” and that you’re going to drop dead any day now unless you start to eat more normally. Of course, a quick look at what shape these people are in will generally tell you all you need to know.

I’ll wager that there’s an element of sour grapes at work here. You know how you get those people who claim that money and unhappiness go together? You hear them saying stuff like, “I’d rather be happy than rich,” as though it has to be one or the other. Well, you also find people who have attitudes like that about health. If they don’t have a good body themselves, then obviously anyone who does “can’t be healthy.” That’s textbook crab-person behaviour.

Quite often, the “you’re-not-healthy” crowd are trying to make themselves feel superior by showing off their knowledge and proving you wrong. They’ll tell you, for example, that you’re shouldn’t be eating meat or nuts or avocado or eggs. And God help you if they ever see you mixing a protein shake! Of course, they probably drink and smoke and eat McDonalds without a care in the world, but they suddenly turn into health experts when they see you eating something.

The problem, unfortunately, is that their opinions all come from second-hand sources and dubious experts. If you listen carefully, it’s always something that they “read” or “heard” or “watched.” You’ll never hear words like “worked at” or “persisted” – or even “tried” – coming out of their mouths. But they don’t let a little thing like zero experience get in their way. They just know – or so they believe. Whatever you say to them, they’ll tell you the opposite. And they’ll continue arguing with you despite all the visual evidence.

I learned the hard way just how destructive other people can be. That’s why when you go on The Apollo Program, I make a point of teaching you strategies for dealing with them and all their nonsense.  You can have all the right training equipment, the best workout clothes, the most advanced sports shoes, but if you don’t know how to handle other people’s BS then it’s all for nothing.

I’ll leave you with an amusing story before we finish. Not long ago I was staying in a hotel while on a trip to Europe. One morning in the restaurant, some woman confronted me, evidently upset about how little I was eating. Didn’t I know it wasn’t good to eat so little and that breakfast was the most important meal of the day? (It’s not, in case you were wondering.) She really got upset with me when I told her I was very happy to have lost 20 kg of fat. “Losing so much weight isn’t healthy,” she hissed at me.

“I see,” I replied. “Well, since I lost all that weight I’ve stopped having lower back pains and the depression I suffered from is also gone. I sleep more soundly at night and have much more energy during the day. My skin and my hair look better. My doctor tells me my cholesterol is way down and that I’m at far less risk of having a heart attack. He also says my blood pressure has been reduced, my lungs work better, and that I’m now much less likely to get diabetes and possibly even cancer.”

She sighed. “Yes, but it still isn’t healthy.”